Regret.

I regret ever meeting you. I regret every moment of our life together except for the moment where we got our dog. He's the only good thing to have come out of it. I hate you so much. I hate every memory of you. I don't know if this hatred is just anger right now. But all I know is I hate you so fucking much. I wish more than anything that I could erase you from my memory. I wish you never existed in my life. I keep asking myself why I ever trusted you. Why I ever let myself trust you. These past five years were for nothing. I now I have to fucking start over. I hate you so much. You get to be happy while I am the one waking up at night. Wondering why I couldn't have changed things about myself in time. I am the one loving you while you have consistently been hurting me. Over and over and over again these past months. It's so fucking pathetic that I still love you. That I still care about you. It's fucking pathetic. I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces. I'm the one that's left so fucking broken.

My feelings right now are full of hatred. Even as I write this I am crying. Crying over you. You don't even deserve my tears. You don't deserve me but I am still crying over you at 2 am on a work night knowing I have to wake up in 3 hours. You and her deserve each other. You don't deserve me. You guys have your fake happy little life you and you both are horrible people who deserve each other. A normal human wouldn't have treated me the way I have been treated the past three months. Fuck both of you.

I hate you so much. You have taken all the energy of life out of me. I hate that you were ever a part of me. I wish I could take it all back. I wish you never happened.

I know I said I wouldn't regret things in life but I lied. I never knew I would hurt this badly. I never knew YOU could hurt me this badly. I never expected this sort of pain. Ever.

I wish you never existed in my life. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could turn back the clock and have never been involved with you. I wish that I had never met you. Never helped you with your schoolwork. Never talked to you, never been a part of you.

I don't deserve this pain. But this is all I am feeling. I love you and you don't deserve it. I regret you.